Speeding July 3, 2008

Recently on my way home from work, I heard the ever-irritating Rascal Flatts belting out “Life is a Highway” from my car speakers. As I sped toward my destination, I contemplated the cliche. I guess you could call life a highway…we are all headed in one direction, u-turns are not allowed, and some people seem bound and determined to get ahead, no matter what the cost. Sounds like a trip on I-85, I-89, or I-26 to me.

Lately, my life has been equivalent to a German autobahn. Because I am only here for the summer, everything seems to be going at many times the speed it typically would. Lessons that would have taken a few months time to learn are coming in on a weekly basis. Phases I would have gone through for a semester or so are fading in and out of my life like a lighthouse beam. Friendships, relationships-all coming and going faster than I can keep up with them. The hours I log at work are blending together, so much that I rarely know what day it is.

It’s enough to leave a girl a bit overwhelmed.

I am often on the road for school, work, or travel. Invariably, at some point in my drive, I’ll look down at the speedometer and realize that I’ve somehow managed to be going close to double the posted limit without even realizing it. When placed in new surroundings, it is far too easy to quickly get caught up in certain fast-paced lifestyles, seemingly fun at the time, but eventually met with bitter consequences. Such lifestyles can tend to catch you off guard and blow up in your face, like blue lights in your rear view without warning.

When I allow myself to get caught in the webs of the aforementioned lifestyles, I feel discontent. I feel like a failure.

I have come to realize that those moments which make you feel content are the ones in which you have achieved true success. When you experience these moments, hold onto them, and attempt to come up with any feasible option to ensure such an event can happen again. If you are able to do so, your life will be abundant with the feeling of success, and these successes will be in the areas most important to you.

Contented moments are rare for me in this fast paced life of mine, but I do experience them occasionally. Kayaking through a storm in Magog, Quebec, driving with my little sister through Canada while singing along to ridiculous rap songs, grilling the world’s most expensive barbecue chicken (only because of our impulse buys) with TB while having serious discussions on existentialism (mixed with great, immature conversations on whatever strikes us at the time), laying in the middle of the road with my amazing, yet-to-be-introduced-on-this-blog neighbor, looking at the stars and talking about life…these moments hearken back to the idea of “life moments.” It is these moments that get me through the daily grind, that give me something to listen for when everything else becomes deafening.

I’m learning a lot in my short time here, and with such learning comes joy, heartache, uncomfortable realizations, and self discovery. I’m taking my own advice-taking these moments in which I feel successful, and figuring out just how I can ensure I don’t lose them. The other moments-the moments in which I feel like I am not living to my potential, not being who I truly am, not truly happy…those will just have to stop occuring, and I know that only I have the power to control if and when they do.

Red pill/blue pill. My turn signal is on. I’m merging into the slow lane.